Written by: Nico Jay Dauz, CHRA
Clinically Reviewed by: Daniel Gunn, PG Dip, CCTP II
According to the Merriam-Webster Dictionary, ‘lying’ is defined as being marked by or containing untrue statements, while ‘deception’ refers to the act of causing someone to accept something false or invalid as true. But have you ever wondered why we lie?
In many cases, people lie to protect themselves, avoid consequences, or keep a secret. However, the reasons behind lying are not always so simple.
For some, lying becomes a survival mechanism, especially for those who have experienced trauma. For many trauma survivors, deception is a way to shield themselves from emotional pain, fear, or rejection.
Trauma has a significant impact on how we behave and interact with the world. When someone experiences a traumatic event, it often disrupts their sense of safety and trust in others. In order to protect themselves from more danger, they might start to act defensively.
Many people who have been through trauma turn to lying as a way to deal with their feelings of shame, vulnerability, or fear. Others may think it’s the only way to stay out of trouble or avoid emotional pain, especially if being honest would mean being judged or rejected.
Trauma can also change how we deal with our feelings and how we see relationships. A person may become less trusting after going through a traumatic event, which can make them more likely to lie to others in order to protect themselves. If someone feels emotionally threatened or unsafe, they might think it’s safer to lie or not tell the truth.
As time goes on, this way of coping becomes automatic, and lying becomes a way to get through a world that seems unpredictable and dangerous.
Being dishonest isn’t the only reason people lie; they often lie to meet deeper psychological needs. Our brains, emotional problems, and traumatic events can all make us lie.
Lying becomes a way to deal with problems, whether it’s to protect our self-image, control our anxiety, or avoid emotional pain. Lies are often a way for trauma survivors to keep from getting hurt again.
Psychological Mechanism | Explanation | Examples |
How the Brain Supports Deception | When you lie, your brain uses parts that help you make decisions and feel emotions. The amygdala controls our emotions, and the prefrontal cortex helps us make up lies. Most of the time, lying helps you avoid pain or harm. | Someone lies about being busy at work to avoid having a tough conversation with their boss. |
Cognitive Dissonance and Emotional Self-Preservation | Cognitive dissonance occurs when our actions don’t match our beliefs. It’s common for us to justify lying to ourselves in order to avoid cognitive dissonance. | Someone might lie about their accomplishments to fit in with the group, telling themselves “everyone does it” as an excuse. |
Lying as a Defense Mechanism | For people who have been through trauma, lying becomes a natural way to protect themselves from emotional pain or being open. To keep them safe and away from trouble, it helps. | A person who has been through trauma may lie about their home life to keep loved ones safe or to avoid a dangerous situation. |
Emotional Regulation | Because trauma makes it hard to control your emotions, lying is a quick way to avoid stress or hard feelings. This is a defence mechanism that helps you deal with strong emotions. | After going through a traumatic event, someone might lie to avoid conflict or uncomfortable feelings, like saying everything is fine when they’re really stressed out. |
Lying to Protect Self-Esteem | Lying can decrease self-esteem, especially when trauma causes feelings of failure. It helps for a short time by keeping your sense of self-worth or giving you a false sense of approval. | When a person has low self-esteem, they may exaggerate their accomplishments or tell lies about their past in order to boost their self-esteem or impress others, especially if they feel unworthy. |
This table examines the primary reasons why people lie, demonstrating how trauma and emotional stress can drive them to deceive as a coping mechanism. Understanding how the brain reacts to lies, cognitive dissonance, and emotional self-protection allows us to better relate to those who struggle with honesty.
Trauma can have a significant impact on our behaviour, especially when it comes to lying. A lot of people change how they act in the world after going through trauma, and lying is often one way they deal with their feelings. When we understand the link between trauma and lying, we can understand why some people might lie to protect themselves or keep from being hurt emotionally.
If you’ve been abused, you may feel like you have to lie all the time. Telling the truth during abuse could lead to trouble, rejection, or further harm.
Therefore, lying becomes a way to stay safe and make the abuse worse.
People sometimes lie to avoid conflict, keep others safe, or feel in charge when they want to deal with problems and keep themselves and others safe.
Because it helps you stay safe in a dangerous place, this habit of lying can get very strong over time.
Many people who have been through trauma lie not just to hide the truth but also as a way to deal with their feelings and stay safe in a world that makes them feel unsafe. Once someone does it enough times, lying becomes a way to protect themselves from more pain, rejection, or harm.
This section explores how lying serves as a survival mechanism for those who have experienced trauma.
Self-Deception as a Protective Measure
Others who have been through a traumatic event lie to themselves instead of other people. People use self-deception as a defence mechanism to avoid facing painful truths.
When reality is too much to handle, telling lies to yourself can help you feel in control and emotionally separate from the pain. Survivors can keep their mental health in good shape and avoid the emotional pain that the truth might bring by telling themselves that things are better than they seem.
People may not fully realise the lies they tell themselves over time, which makes it harder to break out of the cycle.
Lying to Protect Others or to Avoid Harm
People who have been through trauma sometimes lie to keep others safe or to avoid hurting others. In many cases, this is because they are very afraid of hurting people they care about or making bad things happen.
People who are being abused might lie to protect the abuser or keep family members from finding out the truth because they are afraid that being honest would cause more harm or violence.
People often lie in this situation because they want to keep relationships strong or stop more harm from happening. Lying becomes a way for them to deal with tough situations, keep the peace, or shield loved ones from the harsh realities of the trauma they’ve been through.
The Long-Term Effects of Trauma-Related Dishonesty
Lying may make you feel better in the short term, but it hurts you and your relationships in the long run. Lying can hurt trust over time, cut someone off from others, and stop them from healing.
Dishonesty caused by trauma can make it hard to connect with others emotionally because the person may not feel like they can be honest with themselves or others. This cycle of lying can also make the person feel guilty and ashamed as they try to figure out how to balance telling the truth with lying.
Understanding the link between trauma and lying will help us help people who are struggling with this behaviour more.
Trauma often changes how we act, and lying can be a way to deal with it. Most importantly, remember these things from this article:
There are real steps you can take to start healing and moving towards healthier ways of coping if you or someone you know has trouble with lying because of trauma:
Sometimes, getting professional help is needed to break the cycle of trauma and lying.
If any of these things happen, it might be time to get help:
Getting professional help can give you a safe place to talk about these problems, get more clarity, and learn better ways to deal with them.
Seeing a therapist can help you figure out why you’re acting the way you are and give you personalised plans to help you move forward.
If you believe that trauma is influencing your behaviour, including lying, it is never too late to begin the healing process.
You don’t need to handle this by yourself.
Talk to a therapist. They can help you figure out why you’re acting the way you are and help you find better ways to deal with things.
It takes time to heal, but you made a strong choice to take the first step towards understanding and growth.
Contact them right now to begin the path to a more honest and satisfying life.
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He is a graduate of the Bachelor of Science in Psychology at Cavite State University – Silang Campus, Cavite, Philippines. He is also a Certified Human Resources Associate and a Career Service Professional Eligible in the Philippines.
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